Shaft!
Carrot exports from Papua New Guinea have hit an all time nadir as farmers continue to engage in a bizarre practice known as ’shafting.’
The island nation - famous for it’s laissez-faire attitude towards clothing and trendsetting in the field of hoop earrings and melanomas - is feeling the sting of an unprecendented downturn in carrot demand.
Head of the PNG Carrot Farmers’ Union Solomon L’Aulua said other countries were reticent to import the nation’s carrots due to the recent trend of farmers hollowing out their produce and wearing them as codpieces.
“To be honest, I don’t see what the problem is. People in the west have stylish hats or going out trousers; we whittle carrots into lovely little cock-extenders,” he said.
Mr L’Aulua dubbed the waning demand for PNG’s carrots “disappointing” and claimed “if they knew what we were doing with our butternut pumpkins, agriculture in this country would grind to a slow, sticky halt.”
Dubious agrarian practices are nothing new to the region; Fiji was temporarily evicted from the the United Nations in 1994 following reports that their corn was being erroneously marketed as clitoral stimulators to impoverished townspeople.
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